The past few days of school have been ok, not too much homework, just lots of reading now for American Lit. Mr. Kelly is making this month John Steinbeck month. OooO, exciting.

Kinda weird to see the new car sitting there in the garage. I think us buying the car has taken our mind off the accident. We were going to buy me a car eventually, just that nobody thought it would be this soon. I'm kinda wondering how it drives.

Christmas is only weeks away. I feel like going out shopping for gifts. I kinda like that holiday season feeling. MmM, getting the flu is fun.

My life has a blah feeling to it right now. I don't really have anything to look forward to anymore. I guess Christmas might help, but I still don't have that feeling. It's hard to explain. It's that feeling that wakes you up in the morning and helps you get out of bed, no matter how cold it is out there. It's like a spark that I'm missing. I can remember having that feeling in the past. Maybe it was that event just around the corner, or that someone I hoped to see or talk to that day. And even if that event didn't come yet, or even if I didn't get the chance to see that girl, I could go to sleep, and wake up the next day with that same excitement, that maybe today will be my day. I just don't have that right now. I have the feeling of wandering and searching for someone, and when I don't find her, I get tired of trying. Maybe that's just what I am, tired of trying because I'm not where I thought I would be right now. I don't know if it's naive of me to think love will happen to me when I least expect it. But I guess it's been true. And that's what I'll continue to go on.

But I can say this feeling has inspired me a little to make something out of myself. I'd love to be a doctor, or a teacher, or just have a job where I can help people and make a difference. It seems like my only way to show the people who gave up on me or didn't see anything in me that there's actually some hope for good ol' Allan. I won't let these people get the best of me, and I won't allow them to influence my decisions. So don't call me doctor just yet, but let me get back to you on that one.