On Friday I was sitting in class listening to a lecture. All of a sudden, this spider drops out of nowhere and lands on my desk. I was so surprised I gasped and threw myself back in my desk. All these HK girls around me heard me and turned around to look at me. My first instinct was to get it off my desk, so I took my pen and flung it off my desk. However, I flung it straight into those HK girls backpacks, and they saw me. I tried to act like I didn't do anything wrong, so I put my head down and continued to write notes. All those HK girls gave me dirty looks and I think they were talking about it after class. As they packed up to leave, they were all shaking their bags and looking inside to make sure the spider wasn't in there. I think I showed those Hk girls who's boss.

John Mayer will be on SNL next week to open up the new season. That's pretty cool, maybe Wayne will happen to watch it by accident so he can throw up in disgust.

Me and Dave have been playing so much NCAA Football on PS2 that my left thumb started to get irritated and red from moving it around on my controller too much. But we needed to continue our season, so I taped it up and told him the season must go on. After the first play I took off the tape because I couldn't play in it. We won the game. I'm listed as Probable for our next game.

I picked up my yearbook with Selina yesterday at Lowell. It was kind of weird walking through those halls again. I didn't feel like I belonged there anymore, like I was some old guy walking around. But I did get to talk to some now seniors like Mike Ng and Randall Gee while waiting in line. Lowell has a new science wing and a new Welcome Post at the front. We never had that. They better name the Lowell Library in my honor. I also went to Stonestown today for the first time in months. I didn't feel like I belonged there either. Something is wrong with me. I'm only 18 and I feel old. I need to get out more.

Last night everyone at Bible Study was talking about formal dances and proms. Boy, those were nice days when I had to worry about that stuff. But I guess I do have regrets, and so will you too Alex and Peony. You guys need to stop bickering and go find dates, even if it's with each other, I don't care. Alex, just go to your homecoming. If it only costs $1, you've got nothing to lose. And you don't want your first dance to be prom, go brush up your dance moves at a $1. Or just come over to my house and I'll let you dance to John Mayer music for free. And Peony, forget your friend who's bringing a date and you and Carol should go get dates. I'm sure you have your choice of boys from your group of boyfriends you can ask. But don't wait around and assume someone is going to ask the other person. Then nobody will ask and then nobody will go. And you'll just end up sitting home alone, eating soggy cereal in the dark in your pajamas at 11:00 at night while everyone else is dancing the night away (if you don't get the hint, this was me during my 4 years of high school).

I want to start my own dance tv show. It'll be like Soul Train meets The Wade Robson Project on MTV. Only people who can't dance will be invited, and I'll give them pointers on how to dance worse. It's more fun to watch a tv show of people who can't dance being taught by a guy who's even more of a loser (me).

I'm going to raise my kid in England so he can have a British accent. Then I'll bring him back to the US, and all the girls will dig him. Girls love accents. But not guys with Chinese accents. People think guys with Chinese accents suck. I find an English accent as a turn on. But when girls have heavy Chinese accents, I need a translator. Girls with southern accents can be a turn on too, only if they do it too much they'll seem like a hick. And nobody likes a hick, nobody.

This is the end of today's message.