As usual, I turned off my computer, only to turn it back on and start writing. Writing is my peace. It just calms me and my best outlet to express everything I want to say. I guess this will be an entry on the more serious side.

There was a E! True Hollywood Story on Chris Farley today. I didn't watch it, but I had a lot of respect for Chris Farley the comedian. He was definately one of the best comedian actors around. It's really sad to think he threw away his life at such an early age. But I started to realize that most comedians are the ones with the most problems. I think it's just the fact that they can make people smile except themselves, and there comes a point in every comics life where they become tired of the fact that they cannot find happiness and laughter in their life. You'd think that comedians would be the happiest people, but I think it's just the opposite: they want to make people smile because they can't smile themselves.

I've been really getting into Giants baseball lately, and it's been killing me. I always leave emotionally drained after losses, especially these losses down the stretch that count so much. I spend 3 hours just watching, only to watch them lose, and it leaves me feeling like I wasted my day (plus I then have to make up the homework I didn't do during that time). It was a bitter loss tonight, where we lost in the 10th inning due to 2 errors. But worst of all, Dustan Mohr (the Giant's Right Fielder) tried to save the game for us but ended up catching the ball and hurting his knee. The runner tagged up and won the game for the Padres, but just watching Dustan Mohr lie in agony put everything in perspective. I think it was an epiphany moment for me. Suddenly the game lost most of its meaning because another human is lying on the ground clutching his knee. I like Dustan Mohr too, he's probably my favorite Giant behind Bonds. I didn't get a chance to meet him when me and Dave and Shannon went to the game, but he passed by and gave us a smile and salute (if you look at my Giants pictures on my Yahoo page, you'll notice he's looking right at me. Jealous?).

But honestly, when someone goes down like that, it's tough to handle even when you don't personally know the guy, because he's a Giant. I just realized in that moment that baseball isn't that important really, and all his teammates that rallied around him as he lay on the ground hurt realized that too. The one thing I'm always amazed at is Barry Bonds and how much he loves his daughter. Barry Bonds amazes me as an athlete, and he's got almost everything in the world I would want: the huge contract, dozens of baseball records, the fame and spotlight, and the life of an athlete. Even though he doesn't have that World Series ring, he's always saying that the most important thing to him is his family. And I guess that's what family does to you, it makes everything else seem small. And it always amazes me because as a fan, that World Championship is everything, but when you take a step back from being that fan, you realize it's not so important after all. Maybe one day if I become a parent, or an uncle, or a husband, I'll be able to see life the way he does, because that's the way life ought to be viewed.

I wanted to get back to the post I made a few weeks ago about America's youth and how it's changing for the worse. I'm really glad a lot of you chimed in and voiced your opinion. I have to agree that music, television, the media in general, and parents all contribute to the problem. I do think rap music is as bad as it's ever been. I guess in a way, all music that doesn't glorify God in some way is bad (and that does included John Mayer). It's hard to justify that listening to Mayer is less of a sin than listening to rap, because a sin is a sin, unless you feel there are different degrees of sin in God's eyes. I also agree that television and the media have made it okay to show homosexuality, nudity, swearing, and violence.

I think the biggest cause of them all is parents. In my mind, there are two main ways to raise a child: watch their every move and guard them from the evils of the world, or let them do as they please. Most kids probably come from somewhere in the middle. I'd probably say I'm somewhere in the middle. My parents never told me as a kid not to smoke, or not to do drugs, or not have sex, or not hang out with the potheads. I somehow just got that on my own. In fact, I hate it when my parents remind me to study because that's something I've learned to do on my own; I self motivate myself to study. But maybe the reason I never did those things is because my dad let me have a sip of his whiskey as a kid, and I hated it. And he told me how he tried a cigarette once, and it was so bad that he never wanted to do it again. I know some parents actually give their kids marijuana if they want it because they'll try it under their supervision, hate it, and lose that curiosity. It's an interesting theory, because it worked for me and alcohol. They let me sip their beer and whisky, and it's something I never want to do again. That curiosity for me is gone. Now that's good parenting.

Thanks for reading. Hope you'll find that epiphany soon too. Trust me, it's there.