The World Series of Poker has taken the world by storm. Every channel I turn to now has some sort of poker, whether it's on EPSN, Travel Channel, FOX Sports Net, or even that dumb Celebrity Poker Tournament with guys like Ben Hooflek playing. I've got nothing against the game of poker, but I can't stand watching it for more than one hand because the people playing are too quiet and depressing for me to watch. I need to watch something where people will smile, or at least show some emotion. And I can't stand the trash talking that does go on between the players. "Your 5 of Spades sucks. My 7 of Hearts can kick its butt." Ok, so maybe nobody says that, but it sure seems like they think that.

When I saw some women at the table during the new season on ESPN, that made me happy, because they were smiling and showing emotion, and I enjoyed watching that more than a bunch of guys with facial expressions that look like they're trying to hold in a fart and scare the other players. That's why if I ever played in the World Series of Poker, I'd bring a new atmosphere to the table. Here's what I'd do to win:

1. Smile A Lot. Instead of trying to maintain a "poker face" and not show emotion, I'd just smile the entire time. That would have to piss somebody off.

2. Share My Food With The Other Players. I'd bring a bag of Cheetos to eat and offer them to the other players. I don't know if there are rules against eating at the table, but I'm sure my competitors would be hungry, and I'd be happy to supply some Cheetos.

3. Wear Those Huge, Oversized, Novelty Mickey Mouse Sun Glasses. I see all those players wear the cool Oakley shades to hide their eyes. But I'd wear the cool old school ones that CBC gives out. I think Walgreens sells them too. They're the kind that look really cute on 3 year olds because they cover up half their face.

4. Wear A Sombrero. Every player has a beat-up baseball cap, but I'd wear a sombrero. A Chevy's sombrero would definately distract the players.

5. Cry after every game I lose. Maybe somebody will feel sorry for me and not take all my money. Or at least I'd make them feel guilty if they did.

6. Wear A Sponge Bob t-shirt. Nothing says "I'm the King of Poker" like a Sponge Bob shirt.

7. Hold A Giant Lollipop. It'd be like the giant one Kramer ate in that Seinfeld episode. And when I need to turn my cards over to see my hand, I'd ask the guy next to me to hold my lollipop.

8. Bring A Calculator. When somebody raises, I'd bust out my calculator and tell everyone to hold on until I figured out what I'd be left with. An abacus would also work.

Now wouldn't the game of Poker be a lot more fun?