I haven't done it in a while, so I thought I'd bring it back today. Time for another Dear Allan segment, where I take actual Dear Abby letters, summarize Abby's response, and then give my take on the subject. Today's first letter comes from Dog Lover In Las Vegas. Dog Lover writes:

"DEAR ABBY: I threw a party at my house and invited my usual friends. "Dave" arrived wearing a pair of sunglasses, even though my party was at night. He perched the glasses over the bill on his baseball cap and left them there all evening. The party was a barbecue outside in my back yard, and my 8-month-old Doberman, "Rommel," was running around. At some point, Dave's glasses fell off and Rommel used them for a toy. I had no idea what had happened until the next day, when Dave called and asked me to look for them. When Dave found out my dog had ruined the glasses, he demanded that I pay for them to the tune of $350! I don't think I owe him any money. Am I wrong?"

Abby's Response: No, you're not wrong. It's Dave's property and its his responsibilty to watch over his sunglasses. You're busy enough as the host. Dave shouldn't blame others for his mistake.

My Response: Well Dog Lover, I got some news for you, you own this guy $350. It's your fault for leaving your dog around. We all know that if you're going to throw a bbq, you better lock up all non-adult creatures in the basement or in rooms, i.e. dogs, cats, parrots, children, etc. And plus we all know sunglasses are a necessity when cruising in the night. Hope you have a good job because you're gonna have to fork up the cash buddy.


"DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife, "Misty," is now dating my father (who is still married to my mom, but separated). Mom blames me. She says it's all my fault because I brought Misty into the family. We have two kids. What can I do to get past all the hurt and pain? I'm depressed all the time, and it has reached the point that it is affecting my work and everyone around me. Please help. -- DESTROYED IN KENTUCKY"

Abby's Response: Your mom is blaming you, but your father and ex-wife's passion is not your fault. Seek some counseling.

My Response: I suggest going on the Jerry Springer show, because that's some sick stuff. I guess Kentucky is pretty close to Hicksville.

That's my time. I hope I showed you that all your problems can be solved if you are just rational enough. Thanks for reading.