WARNING - THIS ENTRY DISCUSSES SOME CHURCH TOPICS. IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE TO THESE TOPICS, DO NOT READ.

Instead of studying, I'm going to blog. Blogging must be one of my tactics to delay the inevitable: homework. At least I get something done by blogging, which is a finished entry. Usually I just spend an hour on eBay looking at cards and random stuff, and when I don't find any good steals, I just walk away empty handed (Cal probably knows the feeling since he eBays plenty too). I actually haven't had too many buys on eBay for ahwile, just a few CD's here and there. I finally got my new John Mayer Live CD, where all the songs are from the summer tour. A couple of the songs are actually from the time I went to the Shoreline. My brother doesn't like live cd's, but I don't mind them that much. I like the impulsiveness and freestyle guitar on John Mayer's cds, but I can understand why a 98 Degrees Live cd wouldn't be a best seller (if you don't know, 98 Degrees sounds like crap when they sing live). They should probably Ashlee Simpson instead of singing live.

I think I'm going to make some cornbread for my Thanksgiving dinner. I found a recipe on The Food Network's website, but my brother said I should just buy the Marie Calendar's cornbread mix instead of making it from scratch because it'll probably taste better that way. Maybe I'll throw in some berries in the cornbread mix as a "surprise."

I was pretty pissed off last night, and I have to let off some steam. I'll warn you one more time: if you don't want to hear my ranting about church, listen to my warning and leave the blog now. I let a lot out last night while talking to my brother when I got home, but I'll do it publicly here because it's something everyone should hear and at least think about, which I know some of you have already. As usual after Bible Study, they made us do "chores." Me and Ben had to move basses and cellos, and while moving the bass rack, one of the bass bows broke. I know Garson said it was his fault and took responsibility for it, but it was purely an accident and it would've happened to any of us had we been in his position. Then of course, Nathan comes and starts telling us off about how shitty of a job we've done. Then he starts telling Garson how it's his responsibility to go buy a new bow. I'm not sure if he noticed, but the bow that broke was an extra, we have two basses and two bows, I don't see why having a third bass bow is such a priority. We always just have one bass player in the concerts too. And he makes it sound as if we did it on purpose (if I wanted to break something, a bow wouldn't be the first thing I'd hit).

I think Nathan crossed the line yesterday. I know all you "veterans" would disagree, because of course he's done worse stuff to people in the past that I haven't seen, but there comes a point when you have to just accept some things as accidents or mistakes, and just move on. Instead, he took the time to lecture us about how incompetent workers we were. I cannot believe he would expect us to do "chores" in the future after the way he treated us, which is why I usually just don't listen to Willie's instructions after Bible Study. It really comes down to respect. I had a good chat with Powerwong a few weeks ago about some stuff I had on my mind, and he gave me great advice: pray for Nathan, that maybe one day he'd change for the better. I did pray for him that night, but I didn't last night because I didn't know what I could tell God that would make things better.

I know "that's just the way he is", I hear it all the time, but this is really just a dictatorship. I was thinking last night until 3 AM that maybe it's even equivalent to the slave/master relationship, but I was quick to realize that unlike slaves, we actually have the power to walk away. I agree with people that this event isn't worth leaving the church over, but it adds to the list of reasons.

Another point I'll bring up which anyone is free to discuss with me or on the comment box is the idea of tithing. I've been giving my 10% to the church, and I have absolutely no problem with giving God his share. The only problem I'm starting to see is whether the tithe to CBC is the best way to give to God. My brother says that usually people tithe to pay the salaries of the pastors, but since our pastors work, the money we give goes to projects we have no say in ($60,000 worth of scrap metal for example). Once again, people tell me they just give their 10% and leave the rest to God. But if we tithe to the church and then they make us pay for a bow that accidentally breaks, while spending our tithes on outdoor gymnasiums, it seems a bit unfair doesn't it? Would my tithe be better off by donating it to a cause greater in my mind? (Christian radio stations, Salvation Army, another church, etc).

If you've read this far, you're probably saying "Allan, if you're bothered by it that much, why don't you just leave?" Well I almost did 3 years ago, but my older friend convinced me to stay because it was the best place for me at that time, and I'm glad I did stay. And I can't leave just yet for reasons I don't want to get into, but I suppose one reason, like many, is the fact that I have so many friendships at the church. It's almost like those friendships are the things that keep me close to God, because the fellowship with other Christians is something that's...unique. I told my brother last night that he's going to have to stand up for himself while conducting this coming Christmas concert because Nathan always does things his way in front of everyone, even if it will embarrass you. But I told him to stand up for himself because nobody will, except me. And it doesn't matter if you agree with me, or my brother, or whoever goes against Nathan, because in a dictatorship, it doesn't work unless it's the masses vs. the leader. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating a revolution or mutiny of any kind. I'm just saying that somewhere down the line, we're going to have to pick our fights, which won't even come down to the fight we can win or the fight we can lose, but the one that goes past the line. A pastor shouldn't ever be your nemesis, ever, but some things never change.

Many of you will disagree with some or all of the things I've just talked about, and that's fine. And don't ever tell me I refused to see his good side, because I've looked for it. Many others will agree with everything I've just said. The point of this entry wasn't to rip the church. Maybe I was just trying to rip 1/2 the leadership of the church, because it seems like 100% of the direction the church takes is by this 1/2. That's all I have to say right now, but you can be sure that I will always have your back because I know exactly who you'll be against.