I found these pick-up lines I used to keep in my wallet. I no longer have any use for them because I know girls would never buy into them. So here are some just in case you want to impress some ladies on this Valentine’s Day:

*My tongue is burnt, can I have some of yours?
*If I had a nickel for every girl as beautiful as you, I’d have 5 cents.
*My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.
*Do you have tickets to the gun show?
What gun show?
This gun show
*Hi, did you know your body is 98% water? I’m thirty.
*Does your dad deal drugs? Because you dope.
*I know milk does a body good but damn girl, how much milk you been drinking?
*If you stood in front of a mirror and held up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
*Some guys buy really expensive cars to make up for certain shortages. Well baby, I don’t even own a car.
*You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You’re making all the other women look really bad.
*Baby, if you were words on a piece of paper, you’d be called Fine Print.

The sad thing is, none of these compare to the famous “God’s Angel” one at church.

There’s a recent Time Magazine issue about happiness. I thought it was really interesting. Here are some results from their survey I thought I’d share with you if you haven’t seen it yet:

*People who make more money are happy most or all of the time. So that goes to show money can buy happiness, haha.
*When asked how they’d rate their life so far, only 13% said Best Possible, 37% Very Good, 33% Good, 15% Fair, and 2% Poor.
*When asked what has brought them the greatest happiness, here’s how it broke down:
-Children/Grandchildren (35%)
-Family (17%)
-God/Religion (11%)
-Spouse (9%)
*When asked what you do to improve your mood:
-Talk to friends/family (Women 63% / Men 51%)
-Listen to music (Women 55% / Men 52%)
-Pray (Women 51% / Men 38%)
-Go out with friends (Women 29% / Men 27%)

I skipped some of the stats, but if you want more, I’m sure you can find them online.

So what did this article show me? Well, looks like you need to find happiness by getting rich, you probably won’t live your Best Possible life up to your standards, children will make you happier, and if you’re ever down, talking to friends and listening to John Mayer, I mean music, will improve your mood.

I took a survey to measure my happiness and got the “Dissatisfied” result. I guess I better go have some children.

I also took Kenny’s Stress test from Health Class and I think I am “Borderline Stressed.” Maybe I should aim for twins.

John Mayer won Grammys for Best Male Pop Vocal Performance and Song of the Year for Daughters. And he's also going to be singing on Kanye West's next album on a song called Bittersweet. Maybe that song will become popular and spread the John Mayerness even more. I can picture that now, people driving in the hood with Kanye West and John Mayer blasting from their stereos.

One Hit Wonder?!