I have a McFlurry of items I want to touch on today. Here we go:

1. I'm finally done with school, which is a good feeling I suppose. I had one of those weeks where it felt like I kept making a fool out of myself over and over again. It's like I have some kind of mechanism in my brain that keeps forcing me to make an idiot out of myself in front of other people I respect. Perhaps I'll even make a baffoon out of myself in this post, but as usual, I cannot help myself.

2. Today at softball, people referred to me as Barry Bonds. However, it was not because of my towering homeruns, gold glove caliber defense, or bulging biceps. It was more because I didn't hustle today. But have no fear my friends, I will be the fastest guy on the field next week. Just call me Gonzalez because I will be speedy.

3. Congrats to all the people who graduated from SJSU this Saturday. Unfortunately, I had to go to an eye appointment during the ceremony so I can get some new glasses. I would have to say that appointment was the most unprofessional appointment I've ever had with a professional. First off, the doctor actually made us wait 15 minutes so she could eat her lunch. Secondly, she did not say hello or thank you. Thirdly, while she was checking the pressure in my eye, she used some machine to get closer and closer to my eye. I figured she was a pro and had some common knowledge that if you keep moving an object forward towards a solid object, the two would eventually collide. I guess she didn't go to the same school I did, so she ended up hitting my eye against the machine. She didn't even say sorry. Also, her receptionist was talking to my dad in Chinese, and my dad tells me that she insulted me because she was shocked that a Chinese fellow, such as myself, didn't know how to speak Chinese. My dad was angry because he thinks that in America, it should be the opposite and she should learn how to speak English. Of course, I couldn't defend myself during her comments because I don't speak Chinese.

4. For some reason, my dad is watching DVD's of Meet the Fockers and White Chicks.

5. I'm going to argue that Ben Stiller is the greatest comedic actor of our time (and also the most underappreciated). Here's my argument: People say guys like Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, and Jim Carrey are way funnier. I disagree. All three are only "funny" because they have one quirk about them that people find hilarious. All Chris Rock does is say the F-Word, and if you use the F-Word to begin and end every sentence, somehow everything he says becomes funny to people. All Adam Sandler does is make Oogily Boogily baby noises and people laugh. That too is not funny. Lastly, Jim Carrey is a good comedian, but his quirk is that he justs goes over the top crazy to the point where he'll be standing on his chair during an interview or hiding behind objects in a room.

This leads me to my point. Ben Stiller has no quirk. He is just the best actor of the bunch. In all his movies, he always finds a way to dig himself deeper when you think he's the deepest he can ever be. And somehow in the end, he always finds a way back to your heart because you're always rooting for him. I hope I've made my argument and convinced you that Ben Stiller is simply the greatest comedic actor of our time.

6. With the summer just around the corner for many of you kids out there, that means the movie industry is cashing in with the Summer Blockbusters. I've noticed there has been too much crap in the theatres (spelled British sytle), so I've decided to help movie producers and have come up with some must-see scripts. Please feel free all you movie producers to steal my ideas and make millions off them:

*A Wok To Remember: When Cindy (played by The Joy Luck Club's Ming-Na) decides to start her own Chinese restuarant, things are off to a great start. However, when Tina (played by Julia Roberts) decides to start a Pho restaurant across the street, things begin to heat up between these two new rivals. However, when the triads don't receive their payments, they go on a riot and destroy both Cindy's and Tina's stores. This is a movie about inter-racial unity and bridging the differences between two different yet similar cultures. Rated PG-13. Partial nudity and strong language.

*Russian Hour: After a long day of working out at Dodger Stadium, newly signed Korean pitcher Chae Wong Yu (played by Harold and Kumar's John Cho) decides to drive back to the team's hotel. However, the rookie soon relizes that he cannot read any of the signs written in English, and ends up driving to Kansas. With the Dodgers in a heated pennant race with the Rockies (this is totally fiction as you can tell, because the Rockies will never contend for a pennant), the team needs Yu to start for their final game of the season. Veteran reliever and Russian born Kyle Slazynski (played by Steven Segal because we all know Steven Segal plays every nationality) is sent to investigate the whereabouts of their rookie pitcher. Tipped off by a strange and desperate cry for help in Korean made to the Dodger's headquarters on the phone, the call is traced back to a gas station in Kansas and Slazynski begins his trek to bring back their helpless pitcher. A great movie for the family. Subtitles available in Russian upon request.

* The Chronicles of Roddick: In this summer blockbuster, we follow the struggles, triumphs, battles, and defeats of superstar tennis athlete Andy Roddick (played by American Pie's Seann William Scott). And when the people at Wimbledon screw up and match up Roddick with Serena Williams (played by Oprah Winfrey), all heck breaks loose. Rated PG-13. Mild language and violence.

*Pirates of the Caribbean Cruise: Tony (played by Saturday Night Live's Horatio Sanz) spends his vacation on a great cruise to the Caribbean. In order to get his money's worth, Tony decides to indulge at the all you can eat buffet counter. After 72 straight hours of eating, the Cruise Captain (played by Titanic's Billy Zane) has to ask Tony to leave because he has eaten $16,000 worth of food and is singlehandedly causing the Caribbean Cruise company's stock to plumet due to rumblings of the company going bankrupt. Tony will not have his rights at the All You Can Eat Buffet be taken away, so Tony and his wife (played by The View's Starr Jones) stay at their table and continue to eat. An epic thriller that everyone is bound to be talking about at the dinner table and crapper. Rated R for nudity, violnce, and strong sexual language. Soundtrack by Fat Joe.

I'm going to go now and make an idiot out of myself.