I've been sitting at my computer for the last half hour trying to write this entry. I will finally try and get this completed. This will be my last entry of my official summer, which is why it's so hard to write. But I know summer is finally over because everyone is going back to school already. The sad thing is that the only thing that makes you appreciate summer is 9 months of school.

I really had a blast this summer. I came in to this summer with a lot of expectations, and I have to say that it's been a good three months. Three months ago, I ended my two year stay at CCSF. I know people never believe me when I say this, but I had a pretty good time at CCSF. I enjoyed the freedom that came with my schedule, and it allowed me to come home early. It had it's rough moments; every class did. But it was fun to have a few jobs at CCSF and take classes with my friends. CCSF was probably the best educational experience I've ever had.

I spent yesterday at Berkeley. I wanted to stay overnight and see what my new room, bed, and school would feel like. My roommate Peter was cool enough to show me around campus and help me buy books. It was also nice to catch up with him. In my mind, the campus is big and I was exausted after walking around the school for an hour. I was just trying to take in all the names of the buildings. It's going to be an interesting experience finally living on my own. People find the idea of living on your own to be new and exciting, but I'm finding it awfully difficult to handle. I don't know how I'm going to be able to cook, clean, and find time to study. I'm glad I'm only 40 minutes away from home. A part of me is wondering if it would have been better if I went to Davis. But in the end, I think it would be similar. The academic challenge and adjustment period would still be there. The only difference is that I'd have a support group at Davis, which is something I don't really have at Berkeley being the only CBCer there right now.

I guess what it comes down to is that I'm scared. I'm scared of the challenge that I signed up for, and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it. And it's not just having to live on my own, but the fact that I've decided to study Economics for the next two years and I'm going to have to learn this stuff "for real." In years past, I was always able to get by knowing enough to get out of the class with a decent grade. But from now on, I'm going to have to know this stuff, and it's scary.

I've always gotten this feeling that some people think I know what I'm doing, like I've got some plan mapped out in my head and that I'm on my way to fulfilling all the goals I've set out for myself. The sad reality of it is that I don't really know what I'm doing. I had this plan mapped out in the 8th grade that I'd go to Lowell, find a high school sweetheart (which I'd marry later on), go to some great college, start a family and live happily ever after. That plan changed after I graduated from Lowell and didn't fulfill any of those "goals." But I've come to realize that those weren't really "goals" because I couldn't really affect the outcomes of those things that I wanted. I was myself at Lowell. I wasn't trying to be a jock or some gangsta rapper so I could fit in or impress people (no offense to all you gangsta rappers out there). I really felt I did everything I could academically and socially.

I've decided to scrap the idea of setting out a plan for the near future, because I don't want to feel like I have to have something in my life for the sake of fulfilling a bunch of goals I set for myself. If I plant the idea in my mind that I need to get married by a certain age or that I need to finish my life in San Francisco, then I'm going to constantly try and find ways to get those things, which may ultimately not be what God wants for me. I'm scared not knowing if the things that are meant for me are right in front of me, or if they exist in Berkeley. I'm the kind of guy who wants to flip to the end of the book to read the ending. For once I need to learn patience, but I want to know the ending badly. I just would like to know if the things that I've been searching for are standing right next to me.

This summer has been filled with a lot of events. It started out great with my brother's wedding and bachelor party. It was a lot of planning and compromising (and just taking charge), but the bachelor party got done. I hope everyone involved had fun. Unfortunately, that is where the legend of the 47 came about, but I know Bernard is a good sport about it.

The wedding itself went pretty well. It was nice to see both families come together and put on a good wedding.

This year I dedicated most of my summer working at Math Camp. It was great not really having much responsibility. Even though Melvin gave me the VIP title, I just walked around and tried to get to know the kids. I did my fair share of work, but it was cool not having required duties out of me, although some of us spent an afternoon trying to rub the stains from the cemented playground. It felt like prison taking turns mopping the soapy playground. At least I didn't drop my bar of soap. But Math Camp was a success in the sense that i got to know a lot of the kids and teachers, which was cool and unexpected, but a good unexpected. It was sad that most of the kids I witnessed to or hung out with didn't go to the picnic, but I hope I had some kind of influence on them (a positive one at least).

I also went to the zoo to "visit my relatives." It was something I wanted to do for such a long time. I wanted to go in June when it was free Wednesday, but I didn't have the will power to put on a pair of pants and go outside.

Being involved in CCU Sports was really a big and fun part of my summer. CCU Volleyball was much different this year. Last year, we played against a lot of people who were younger than us, and we finished in second place. This year, our competitive division had all these people who play or played for their high school team. It was a bit demoralizing at times when we got crushed, but we finished in 4th place and we have the ribbons to be proud of. I'll go take some steroids and prepare for next year.

CCU Softball has been pretty fun so far. We won our playoff game on Sunday and advanced to the Championship game. It gets frustrating for me when I have bad games and can't contribute to the team as much as I'd like to. In the end, the W is really all that counts, but I'd like to make some kind of impact on the game (once again, hopefully a positive one). It'd be nice to wrap up our season with a final W this Sunday. We've been playing some great defense the past two weeks, and I agree with Jeff, defense wins championships (that and Kirk Rueter pitching from Cal). All I have to say is let's not get too overconfident towards our final opponent and just play CBF softball (meaning lets score 20 runs and make 15 errors).

My trip to Canada was something I really needed, despite the fact that at the time, I didn't want to leave. But it helped me realize that family is so important to me and that I've got this huge group of people who I love and care about that live thousands of miles away. I only get to see them 5 days in a year and I feel like I'm missing out on so much. Maybe some time in the near future, I'll spend a longer time in Canada than usual.

I was able to vent my creative genuiseness (is that a word, and if so, is it spelled correctly?) through a comic strip. There's something nice about having a talking potato and carrot around. I've got a sassy talking pea coming too, and if that's a success, maybe I'll do a spinoff with Pablo. Kind of like Joey from Friends, except I'll make my spinoff a success.

It's been a great summer, and I'm looking forward to Bennie's wedding and the game on Sunday. Thanks for reading and I hope everything will be well with you. Wish me luck as I embark on the adventure we call "College."