I've been taking a break from homework, so I guess I'll post now. This econ stuff is getting pretty hard, and all I do is worry about school and whether or not I'm going to be able to survive this semester. I have midterms in about two weeks. I've actually got 3 midterms in a 5 day span, something I've never really had to worry about before. I think the reason I worry so much is because the greatest fear I have is a fear of failing. I don't know why I fear failure so much. That's why I probably never really tried out for any sports teams growing up. Or that's why I wish I had taken an easier route than this. I guess I just don't want to see the faces when I do fail, because sometimes excuses can only take you so far. Most people don't care how much effort you put in, or at least you think you put in. The results are the only thing that matters sometimes. Just take sports for instance. Do I really care how much offseason practice and weight training the Giants or Warriors do? Not really, all I care about is if they can win a championship. And I guess that's the same in life sometimes. Nobody really cares about you unless you've got a championship ring on your finger.

I had lunch with my parents and my grandma on Saturday since it was her birthday. Even though my grandma literally lives about 10 minutes away from me, I hadn't seen her in a long time. In fact, I can't really remember when the last time I did see her. It was weird though, because now she had to use a cane and her hair is all white now. It was kind of a wakeup call for me. It's kind of like how you see your favorite movie star on the big screen. Then a few months later, you see them on an awards show and you just notice how much they've aged. It's sort of like that, except on a more personal level.

I hadn't been to dim sum in such a long time either. It's sort of like telemarketting while you're trying to have lunch. Evertyime you're about to take a bite, some lady is trying to sell you their product. And the weird thing about dim sum is that if you go in a group of four people, someone is going to get screwed because everything comes in threes. There was one dan tat between me and my grandma left. I kept telling her to eat it, and she kept telling me to eat it. Then I decided I will never eat it, because I'm pretty stubborn like that. Then my dad took the dan tat and ate it.

I saw the VH1 Driven story on Kanye West. I didn't know all that stuff about him, like how he was a producer before he was a rapper. I guess I have respect for him now, especially since nobody wanted to give him a chance in the industry and he literally had to take matters into his own hands and promote himself. But I still don't like rap music.

Sundays are the hardest days for me now, because I know at the end of the day, I have to leave home and head back to Berkeley for another week. It gets pretty lonely down here sometimes. I guess the homework is what keeps me company, but nobody wants homework as their best friend. I was watching Love Actually the other day for like the 5th time on tv with my roommates. I consider it the 3rd greatest movie made of all time, right behind Back To The Future and How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. My favorite storyline in that movie is the one with Hugh Grant, but almost all of them were pretty good.

There's a song by John Mayer, and the chorus goes:

This will all make perfect sense someday
I'll be A-Okay
There's got to be a reason for the rain