I have a Stats midterm on Friday. I didn't realize how little time I had to study for it until about 9:00 PM Tuesday. So rather than study, I will now blog.

I had my Econ midterm today. I thought things were going to be okay. I studied, read the book, went to many review sessions, etc. But it wasn't enough. All I wanted was to be able to walk away from the test knowing I answered everything and had a chance to get a decent grade, but I couldn't even do that. It was one of the worst feelings ever. The part of the test I hate is when you're 50 minutes in looking at the blanks on your page and thinking to yourself, "This isn't really happening, is it?" But it was.

So I wandered aimlessly the rest of today. I did cry. I did look at the test questions over and over. And I did kick myself because I started second guessing myself as soon as I turned in the test. The one thing I did not do until a few hours later was talk to God. And that's sort of been my theme for my stay at Berkeley so far, is just talk to myself and God a lot because there's not many people else around here to talk to and knows what's really going through my head. And I will admit I got a little angry, I don't know if it was at Him, but probably more at just me. And that sucks because you read in the Bible all the time about those who doubted and those who had faith, and you say to yourself, "Man, I don't even have a tenth of the faith that these guys have." Yet somehow I seem to wear the Christian sticker like it's on me all the time, and when you read through these entries on this website, you'd think my sticker lost it's adhesiveness and fell off a few years ago. It's horrible knowing I tend to curse God for my problems, but come running to him everytime I have them. Then I jump for joy when they're resolved, and then just wait until the next problem comes up so I can curse Him. How horrible is that.

All I need to do is pass this and Stats and I'm in the major. Otherwise, I'm just going to drop out of college and work full-time, possibly at Nordstroms under Elisa's supervision. I used to hate Lebron James because he didn't go to college and is making millions in endorsements. Now I think he's a genius.

It's true that college will break you.

All I want to do is go home and sit in my room with my guitar. I have my desktop set to pictures from my Canada trip, and earlier this semester I had the pictures from the wedding float by. It kind of sucks sitting here watching all those memories. I need to find a new screensaver, maybe some pictures of John Mayer or something.

One of these days I'm going to express all my feelings into songs, and I'm going to write them down and capture them. And maybe one day if I ever get halfway decent enough, I'll add music to them. Then I'll start a band and I don't care if we suck, it'll be fun. Everyone who plays any kind of musical instrument can be on my CD because I'll work you in. I don't care if you play the mandolin or the harmonica. Then I'll buy those mics for the computer and we can record everything, and put out a CD. And yes it will be horrible sounding, but damn, it'll be an adventure and something to call your own.